I've been at home now for over 5 mont
hs and have managed to carve out a pretty fun little niche for myself in the community. Last you heard, I had a little bit of work in a few places around town. That activity really revved up for a while and I was doing everything from clothed modeling for professional artists, to barista work, to fun retail work for a great little boutique, to teaching an adult-focused into-to-drawing class, to house/dog/child sitting, to janitorial and office work.
I managed to get an especially fun temporary position working for a therapist in Rochester as her office manager/secretary. Although I've never particularly pictured myself doing work behind a desk (in an office, under fluorescent lights), I realized quickly that organization, client intake/hospitality, and getting an office to run s
moothly are all surprisingly large talents of mine. I enjoyed being given a huge pile of tasks and then left alone for 45 minutes or so while my supervisor was in with a client to actually get it all done and then be ready for more by the time
she came out. Who would have thought I'd be so effective with time/task management? Certainly not most of you! I guess this means I'm growing up, huh? Oh well...
Although I'd gotten into the rhythm of getting up early, working my hind end off for a day, coming home tired, and was watching weeks fly by, that world is slowing down as many of my hours get cut at some jobs, other positions disappear as months and seasons change, and people return from vacation to fill voids I'd taken over for a while. Between the slowing down of jobs, performing (ending) of plays I'd been rehearsing, and watching winter turn steadily into spring and moving toward summer, I was starting to get antsy for the next thing.
As I'd said many times before, my plan has been to head Olympia-ward at the start of summer after Logan's graduation (eek!). This time is rapidly approaching and I was feeling the need to get started on the things I've been talking so much about.
I assume you've already guessed what my big n
ews is, but if you haven't, I'll just go ahead and tell you that I finally bought my ticket West. After looking at a lot of different options by plane, train, and various forms of automobiles... the winner was Sun Country airlines with a wonderfully low fee and the option to take Mr. Twinkles (my faithful and tubby orange tabby cat) along for the ride. My official leave date is now June 12th. With that date comes a deadline and a new way of looking forward to my upcoming adventures with anticipatory action rather than head-in-the-cloud dreams of "someday".
It's funny how I've been claiming (and truly feeling) the desire to get myself prepared to go... to edit all the unnecessary STUFF from of my life... to trim down to necessities... to organize... to prepare physically, mentally, and emotionally for ano
ther transition in my life. I've been saying and wanting to do all these things, but actually purchasing a ticket is what's set the gears in motion. Not only do I have a detailed plan of attack, but I'm acting on getting all of those things "I might wear someday" out of my closet and all those little scraps of paper imbued with memories out of all the nooks and crannies of my room. I am quite certain I will never be capable of a 'clean break' from ANYTHING... specifically not my family, home town, and house. However, this is a perfect time to attempt a transition in which I can tie up loose ends.
When I left Decorah, I was completely overwhelmed. I didn't know how to say goodbye to such a special place so full of special people. I packed every last bottle-cap, post-it-note, and empty chap-stick tube into boxes and dragged it all home. Six months later, I was able to return to all of those things and see (physically) my i
nability to let go of the slightest thing for fear it would cause detachment with that place and those people. From this new perspective, having grown and changed, and experienced even more, I see that I don't need to keep all the 'junk' of my life in order to keep the memories I associate with it. I've been going through all of these things and allowing myself to say goodbye to the silly random things I hadn't been able to say goodbye to before. For those "junk" items (the bent paperclip, the line of a found poem on a scrap of newspaper, the snapped hairband) that I still find it hard to let go of, I take a picture and load it onto my computer. Maybe someday I'll go through and delete all the pictures, but for right now, it allows me to hold onto some goofy, but meaningful, memories without getting buried, gagged, and bound by the things I associate with them.
The process of editing 'things' is difficult, but healing and cathartic. For every item (that I know was a gift from someone in middle school, but I ca
n't remember from whom, why, or even what it is used for) that I can take out of my closet and put in the garage sale box, I feel that much more free and excited for the next adventure and what it will lead to.
Of course, this whole post about "stuff" should include a little disclaimer along the lines of:
*but I do intend to bring some stuff with me and I do intend to leave a lot of important things at home... I could never allow myself to get rid of it all! It's too important!
(but that's a different story and NOT our moral for the day)
Aside from this constant process of letting go, editing, and deciding what is really important to me, I'm also in the process of figuring out what I will do when I actually get to Olympia. So far, I have a home to land at for a while when I arrive in town. I've been seeking jobs of all sorts through my generation's usual modes: internet and e-mail. I've even made a few phone calls and mailed off hard copies of my resume. Sadly, I'm not g
etting much of a response. I've decided that there are two ways I could look at this turn of events:
1) Figure that there's no hope for me getting a job, abandon hope, abandon the plan, and find something closer to home.
2) Figure that they just need me to come knock on their doors, see that I'm not crazy, see that I'm ACTUALLY coming from Minnesota (home) to work with them, and see that I'm actually a pretty useful/fun/intelligent/capable/innovative/enjoyable/etc. :) person to have around a work space.
Suffice it to say that I'm going with option #2. It's unusual for me to step out on such a limb... to go somewhere so far away, so big, so new, without so much of a support built up that I at least know what I'll be doing when I get there. Let's just call it "a phase" I'm going through. Right now, it seems like I've just got to go and try it
out. If I fall flat on my face, I can always come back. Hopefully, I'll be resourceful enough to prove to myself that I can do something this different than what I usually do!
Well, now that I've written you a few chapters detailing my battle with "stuff", "junk", and "things"... supporting my decision to take a running leap with only the "hopefully it'll work out" theory... and telling you that my cat and I have a date set and plane ticket purchased, I suppose it is time for me to get back to that infamous closet of mine and keep practicing what I preach.
I know that I only have about 4 weeks left and that they'll be flying by with the end of Logan's senior year, graduation, work, and planning/packing, but I hope to run into many of you in that time. If not, give me a call sometime and we'll plan a trip for you (maybe even the whole family) to the Seattle/Olympia area! I'll do my be
st to keep in touch through this transition and into the next adventure.
Love, love, love!
PS: I should also have mentioned two other quick things: 1) thanks to all the people who have offered me various forms of employment or social interaction... you've saved me from spending too much time sitting in my bedroom staring at 'said closet' being all theory and no action.
2) this picture above is from one of my many trips down to Decorah since I've been home (assuring myself I don't need the stuff to have the memories/people and keeping myself sane by visiting my heart's other home). This particular trip was especially important because I went down to tell some of my dearest friends my plan to go west only to learn that three of them will be moving to homes that are relatively short drives away from Olympia! The whole decision seemed that much more possible and affirmed knowing that a small band of "Decorah's finest" will be a stone's throw away from me. We're still leaving many behind, but having a few more friends that direction feels oh-so-good. I arrived for the weekend in Decorah in the middle of plans for an epic yard sale involving many friends. The weekend became one about untangling one's life, choosing new paths, and finding a sort of closure knowing you'll be back again someday to the same place, but that it... and you... both will have changed. The end. :)
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